Sweet Vitriol

I went to the May Market yesterday. It was more useful than, say, the PA State Farm Show, but not the most fantastic thing I’ve ever seen.

There were dozens upon dozens of large white tents set up across the Phipps Garden Center’s rolling lawn, mostly representing local suburban gardening clubs, each selling their plants, vegetables, herbs, trees and bushes. There were also a few odd companies hawking garden paraphernalia — things that look like stones but are actually speakers, things that look like stones but are actually drainage systems, things that look like stones but are actually very special kinds of stones which you should pay hundreds of dollars for. Construction Junction had a tent too, as well as a couple people selling various sorts of garden junk — wire twisted up to look like giant bugs, a slightly larger than life-size mossy statue of a golfer, and of course garden gnomes, garden cats, and garden saints.

In general, everything was overpriced. Some guy wanted ten bucks for a single shoot of bloodroot — a native plant I could find for free anywhere. People were selling tiny dogwood trees for nearly $100. And of course tropical plants abounded. Some lady tried to push a hibiscus bush on me for half-price because they were closing up their tent. When I found out that I would have to take it inside every winter, I balked. That prospect sounded way too much like work to me. And I don’t think we’d even have a spot for it indoors anyway.

The event planners decided to have the May Market on a rainy weekend outdoors in a hilly spot covered in mostly grass, which means that after a hundred people trampled the grass down, it was a muddy mess. I had to occasionally carry my friend, Olga, around, who wore cloth high-heels, assuming that an high-class event at the Phipps Garden Center would not actually be Woodstock ‘94.

The theme of the show was “An Eco-Friendly Garden Fair.” The thing is: I have no idea what was supposed to be so eco-friendly about a bunch of people loading up plants into trucks and driving them from the suburbs into the city, only to load them up a couple days later and drive them all back to the suburbs again. I’m sorry ladies, but your geraniums will not save the planet. They’re still the same geraniums they were five years ago before you thought that appearing eco-friendly would be clever.

I suppose keeping a vegetable garden is eco-friendly, but I noticed fewer than five tents which featured vegetables. The rest of it was mostly tropical plants, annuals, and shrubs, most of which are invasive anyway.

If I weren’t so cheap, I would have bought a sundial on a pedestal for $75. Instead, I walked out of there with a pot of Hot & Spicy Oregano (O. vulgare ‘Hot & Spicy’) for three bucks. I noticed it on some guy’s table, and having never heard of that particular variety of oregano before, he let me taste a sample. It in fact tastes like oregano, but also hot and spicy — totally worth having.

Am I glad I went? Sure. I wouldn’t have this Hot & Spicy oregano if I had stayed home. Was it a ridiculous greenwashed show of empty “environmentalism?” Yup. You’ll need more than a concrete Saint Jerome and some overpriced marigolds to fix our dirty water and our broken atmosphere. From the muddy lawn to the utter lack of effort towards changing anything they’ve been doing for the past fifty years in regards to our environment, the entire May Market was a pink flowery celebration of a gross lack of planning ahead.

More than just flowers are bloomin’ here in the ether-garden this Bloom Day. While checking on the garden and replacing a few of the milk-jug cloches which got blown around during one of our recent storms, I happened across this sweet little one and his (her?) brothers and sisters. They were hiding awfully well, I nearly trampled the lot of them! I was surprised how calm this little guy was, and simply couldn’t resist a brief snorgle of his little white-spotted head. I made sure to explain the ground rules of living in the ether-garden before sending the little one along home.

Of course, there are plenty of flowers blooming too. The ornamental alliums have presented themselves in all their pom-pom glory, and the chives are following suit. The wild violets are out, along with a sneaky little variegated vinca growing up along the side walk. The yellow irises are in bud, as is my sage. I’ve never seen sage blossoms before, so I’m quite anxious for them to open. They’ve been in bud for some time now…

Sweet Vitriol has also bloomed a bit, you may have noticed a new author recently. Luminiferous joins in the fun to share his thoughts and ideas, and to keep the show running when I’m out of town. I see wonderful things in the future from this. A new page will be popping up soon as well, with brief bios and such on both Lumin and myself.

Not only is today bloom day, but for those in the Pittsburgh area and Allegheny County, we are now considered to be safely past the threat of frost. Now, if it goes and frosts again don’t blame me as this isn’t an exact science. I just know that today is the best birthday present I can ever ask for- the day I can safely plant the rest of my garden. Most of it’s in already, but what few seedlings were still waiting for that magic time can finally go outside and stretch out their roots and greet the world. Happy Bloom Day!

The notorious Bindweed, which plagues our city of Pittsburgh, has begun to sprout vinelings in our garden. Bindweed, also known as Creeping Jenny and sometimes mistakenly as Morning Glory, is a real pest. It’s a viney plant that is hard to kill, and will wrap itself around anything it can find, especially plants that you actually want to keep alive.

So, what do we do? You can’t just pull it out like other weeds due to its extensive root system. Established infestations of bindweed are known to have twenty to thirty lateral feet of roots, and taproots have been excavated to depths of thirty feet. While ripping out the shoots may seem satisfying, the real monster continues living happily underground, and you’ll end up feeling like Kevin Bacon in Tremors.

So, the only option we can really think of is to use an herbicide such as Roundup, which stinks because the Monsanto company itself stinks, and Roundup isn’t exactly organic. Nonetheless, what we’ll probably end up doing is pouring concentrated Roundup into a cup and using a paintbrush to paint the bindweed leaves with it. That plan should help manage things, and with luck in a few years could possibly rid ourselves of the infestation.

Are you not sure if that horrible thing taking over your garden is bindweed? The Idaho Weed Awareness Campaign has some good photographs, and even a nice little slide show which might help you figure it out.

We wish there were a way to handle bindweed without using Roundup. How do you handle bindweed?

We are not mushroom experts. I’ll relay some of what we’ve learned, and how we identified the mushrooms we found in the park today, but if you’re going to go mushroom hunting yourself for the first time, my strong advice is that you do so with your own local mushroom society, or with an actual mycologist. You don’t want to end up eating a bad mushroom.

We went mushroom hunting today in a park in Pittsburgh. These few weeks are the only time morels will grow on the East Coast. On our walk through the trails, we kept our eyes out for dying elms and tulip poplars. Morels will pop up near those trees inside of a twenty foot radius.

We saw plenty of signs of morel season — apple blossoms, garlic mustard blossoms, and may apples. So, we knew we’d find some good mushrooms if we kept looking. They can really hide, especially under leaves, but once you spot one, you’re likely to find a bunch.

We found three different kinds of morels on this trip, yellows, blacks or greys, and half-frees. The yellows and blacks have the typical morel cap. The half-frees have a cap with parallel ridges, which unlike the other morels is not attached to the shaft fully. It’s half free, hence the name. These morels are also known in the parlance of our obscene times as peckerheads.

We made sure to cut them off with a knife, and not just rip them out of the ground. We want the mycelium to stay healthy in the park so that this patch of morels might be there next year.

Now, how can we be sure that our morels are true morels and not fakes? One important thing to check is to cut them in half and look inside. Morels have a totally hollow interior. If your mushroom has a cottony middle, or has several chambers, it’s a fake. Don’t eat it!

True morels have either a fully attached cap, or a half attached cap. If the cap is mostly free, it’s probably not a morel. There are a few species such as Verpa bohemica and Verpa conica which look like a half-free, but whose caps are completely free. If you find one, it’s a fake. Don’t eat it!

In general, if you’re not sure, don’t eat it! And learn from an expert. Almost every city has a mycological society. They exist to help you find mushrooms safely. Ask them!

Now that we’re home, we’re going to make sure we wash and cook them or dry them before we eat them. It’s probably not a good idea to eat wild mushrooms raw. You never know what might be living in them!

A quick heads-up to our Pittsburgh, PA area readers- this weekend is chock full of plant sales!

First, on Friday we’ve got the Great Plant Auction at the Phipps Garden Center (remember, the Garden Center is located at 1059 Shady Ave, near the Pittsburgh Center for the Arts). Doors for the Great Plant Auction open at 6 p.m. Admission includes wine and heavy hors d’oeuvres: $20 members; $25 non-members.

Saturday brings the Phipps Conservatory used bulb sale, at the Conservatory from 9am to 6pm. Also on Saturday is the Audubon Society’s local plant sale at Beechwood Farms Nature Reserve, from 9am to 2pm.

I’ve been thinking about turning a section of the ether-garden into a native plants plot, and this is just the kick in the pants I needed. I’m definitely quite excited!